A couple days before I had posted my Dear Lee Burbage: Part 1 blog post, I had gotten a request on my Dangerously Stupid post to please post a current update status of my love life. Now because of how heavily my blog gets bogged down with spam, all my comments are on manually approved and because the way this request was worded, I wasn’t really sure if it was genuine or just slyly accredited enough to slip through the automatic spam filter, which does happen from time to time. Even still I wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer it.
The past is a lot easier to examine and to be like Captain Hindsight than actually knowing what the hell I’m doing at any given moment in the present. I’ve only ever learned how to learn fix my mistakes after I’ve made them let alone as I was making them. I usually need distance in order to get clarity and have those “oooh” moments instead of I guess say, Captain Preventative. But as I have been doing a lot of research on the definition of friends with benefits and trying to understand exactly how the nature of the relationship I had with Lee was just so different than the current actual friends with benefits I have now and I think it’s important to talk about the differences. I think it’s important to talk about these differences not just for me but for anyone else who is also struggling or has struggled with a friends with benefits arrangement. It’s important to know what lines are being crossed and what’s a red flag or not.
Normally, it is extremely important to establish first with your current sexual partner clear outlines and boundaries on what is expected from the other but sometimes you just don’t even know what you are needing to ask for to be even able to talk to your friend. I certainly didn’t. And I still wouldn’t know either if any of what happened between Lee and I in what’s coming up in Part 2 hadn’t actually happened. Lee made me feel like everything was my fault except for him ghosting me. Like I caught the flu and he was afraid to catch it while denying he was showing signs of having symptoms himself. I don’t think he even understood how exactly he also violated what he thought was just friends with benefits was actually more akin to casual dating. After doing slightly more digging, I found on the same website of Brides.com an article called When To Move From Casual Dating to a Relationship that helped me understand this. To a lesser degree this article also helped me understand the nature I had with Fishsticks as well except not quite in the same way because Fishsticks and I always agreed on what we were doing was dating.Read more