Monthly Archives: September 2021

9/6/21 Blog Update// What’s Coming Next ??

Hey guys, for those who haven’t read, I finished writing a four part series wrapping up my Lee Burbage series.

It was extremely cathartic to write but I’m mostly glad that it’s done. I have been trying to think of what I want to write next, I am definitely still very much in a writing mood. I have three blog post ideas sort of formalized and started but I’m not entirely sure where to go with any of them quite yet.

One is called “As Old As You Feel” – I don’t have a general concept of what this will be except a small outline of how the relationship I had with my grandpa.

The second”Finding My Religion” which will talk about my experiences going to church for the first time in +20 years and the relationship/nature I am exploring with God. This might be more of a series than a single blog post but I’m not entirely sure at the moment. On August 29th my coworker + friend John invited me to his church and I had a good time. Did I feel cheesy clapping my hands along to country music about God? Totally. But it was freeing at the same time to just let go and be in the moment. It opened up something in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

The last blog entry post that I have sitting on my phone’s notes is about the season of Fall, my relationship to it and why it’s my favorite Season. I love it for many reasons other than my love for Halloween and all things magical/witch crafty, cute sweaters, cooler weather and the fact that I was born in the Fall. I don’t have a title yet for this blog post yet nor even know where I want to go with it.

The other things I am working on are of course, writing poetry. I am re-writing the poem “I Love” to “I Love… Me!” It’s still very much in development though and as always how I write my poetry, I never know when it will be complete. I have a couple other finished poems that I’d like to publish. I wrote this one poem called “A Promise” in July. I wrote it for the day when I meet the love of my life, the last time I will ever say I love you to someone. Like I want to use it as vows if I were to ever get married. I’m extremely proud of it and is one of the best pieces of poetry I’ve ever written. I didn’t publish it on my blog because I was afraid Lee would make it about him. Enter major eye rolling here. 🙄

I do want to be more frequent and present here on my blog, especially that it means so much that a handful of you really enjoy my writing. I can’t make any promises on how often or frequent I will post but, I will make more of an effort. I have a bunch of Sims stuff I had been working on/putting on pause and I am going to try focusing on that plus filming my first ever vlog this week. Or at least I am going to try vlogging again. I keep saying I am going to try but keep chickening out. But yes. I am going to try.

I have a possible date this Friday with someone that I’m curious about. Not that anything stopped happening with The New Yorker, we have a beach day for tomorrow/Tuesday 9/7 but like I’ve made it clear in Friends With Benefits, we are just that. But yeah. I don’t feel super comfortable writing about my daily life as it’s happening at the current moment or about every date I ever go on/who I’m seeing at any given time but at the same time, I am going to take it on a case by case basis. It will be the first time I’ve gone out on a date with someone that wasn’t The New Yorker. I’ve talked about a couple times on various entries how I’m not a juggler when it comes to dating multiple people but, like I also said, I am just curious about this new guy and exploring my options. If anything happens with this person, it will go very slowly. No date or plans have only been made, only that we talked about the possibility of a coffee date. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, that’s all I have for tonight. I hoped you enjoyed this update and I will see you around.

Sincerely,

Sarah Smiles

Dear Lee Burbage: Part Two

If you haven’t already, I do really recommend that you go back and read part one. The purpose of Part One is to demonstrate what had led to Part Two: The close out and moving on with my life and eventually the events that transpired in the week prior. I’d also check out Friends With Benefits if you haven’t read that one already too to understand how Lee violated “the rules” of what “we were” and what a Friends With Benefits relationship actually is. I Want To See You Be Brave talks about the day Lee messaged me for the first time in months. But still…

Let’s quickly recap.

I met Lee on a dating app and we dated for a week then he broke up with me. We reconnected two months later through Facebook Messenger and even though I was dating someone else non exclusively, Lee and I ended up having sex and having a connection. Lee and I decided to explore the option of friends with benefits but very quickly deteriorated into more. You’ll later read in this blog that he denies ever being more than friends with benefits but the screen shots in part one from my friend who I share intimate detail parts of my life that was obviously outline that, that was not the case. I never make the claim that he was in love with me, just that we were beyond what is considered to be just friends with benefits. I confessed that I had developed feelings for Lee quicker than he did, that I was falling in love with him but didn’t expect anything about our current situation to change nor for him to fully reciprocate how I felt in return. I wanted to keep things going as they were. At first he told me was was fine with this arrangement and how I felt and he promised to let me know when things felt “too relationshipy” for him. We had started making plans to hangout of his apartment, to do things other than have sex when his grandma fell ill and then suddenly died. I wanted to be there to help comfort him in his time of grief but instead he pushed me away and shut me out. I was beyond hurt but tried to keep living my life for me while he dealt with his grief. We ended up talking about how we both needed space and how hopefully we could pick up again one day and reevaluate where we stood with each other, even if that just meant being friends without any romantic involvement. And that’s where we left things off last time…

Crazy no?! Straight out of a telenovela! I’m waiting for the evil twin brother to pop out any minute now. (Not really, I’ve watched three straight seasons of Jane the Virgin) Anyway, that being said, let’s continue on to what happened next.

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