Starting to Prep For University: Chapter 14 of the Homemaker Challenge:

I have to say that I’m shocked over Victoria’s reaction to there being a dog on her bed and actually wanting to praise Shelby. Victoria only has 3 points of interest in animals and she seems so nonchalant about it. But I mean okay, sure.
(I am experimenting with aging mods for those that noticed the Victoria becomes an elder in 32 days)

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Going Steady: Chapter 13 of the Homemaker Challenge

Paul gain’s a creativity skill point although I’m not exactly sure when he started taking violin lessons. Must be something he’s only doing at school. But hey good for him. Also because of Minnie’s interest in fishing her interest in nature turned to gardening I guess kind of chance card. I will say, that is something I do prefer in the Sims 4 verses the Sims 2, Sims 4 does a much better job at neiching down specific skill sets and not lumping one interest into all areas. Gardening and fishing are not the same except in the Sims 2. But I mean, hey maybe this is something we can work with at a later date.

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Teenagers: Chapter 11 of the Homemaker Challenge

We last left off the Homemaker challenge with a very dramatic episode of the twins getting into private school. It’s late Friday night and Minneapolis had rolled the want to do her brother Paul’s homework. She has the want to go fishing but also to talk about her hobby enthusiasm. I like the idea of her mother hearing noises coming from downstairs and going to find Minneapolis ecstatically chatting her ear off about science. Perhaps she’s asking Victoria if she’s aloud to go star gazing or perhaps excited to join in on a science club at her new school. Either way it’s very late and if she has the same want in the morning to go fishing, New York is going to take her to go fishing again.

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A Little Insecure

It’s weird to know that its been a week since I finally finished burning the bridges with Ross and letting the ash settle. In theory a week is not a very long time but like Einstein once said, time is relative.

“A second in one reference frame may be longer compared to a second in another reference frame.”

And that couldn’t be more true. At the very end of my last blog post, I talked about how I had been able to let go of all my anger by forgiving myself. That despite the actions I took while angry, that doesn’t define who I am and remembering that I myself, am enough. That same night, I logged back onto Tinder. I wasn’t looking to date but just looking for… something. I don’t know what. Not validation but I did find that. I was reminded of the facts that I already knew, that I am pretty, funny, sweet, smart and caring. That I have enough love in my heart for a thousand life times. I knew I was finally able to let go and move on from Ross. And because of that, there was this odd sort of peace that had settled upon my heart. Like fresh snow on top of a bloody battlefield.

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The Monster Inside Us All

There is a little tiny monster inside of all of us. It sleeps like a dragon on a pile of gold, slumbering. For most of us, it is not easily disturbed and very rarely awakens. At least mine rarely is. When it is awakened, it roars not from being disturbed by sleep. It’s furious that it’s gold is in jeopardy of being stolen. You, yourself fully are the gold. Each of us are the treasure that needs to be protected. For some people the monster will attack itself confused by where the danger is coming from. Some it directly goes in for the kill.

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So Sorry Abi: Putting the Pieces Together

It’s probably safe to assume that I didn’t get very good sleep last night. And your right, I didn’t. I kept tossing and turning, analyzing everything in my mind. But one question kept surfacing in my head over and over again like a giant neon sign. Why? Why her? Why would he not be open? Why did he ghost me?

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It had to do with a conversation we had.

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Bastard

I wrote this poem for my friend Dawn when I was fifteen years old and she was in her late twenties. She was going through a terrible divorce with her husband we nicknamed “the troll”. She was my first friend when I had moved to Portland, Or even though there was this giant age gap between us. I couldn’t help but have it running through my head tonight. Obviously it doesn’t fit 100% but yeah… for the most part it’s spot on for what I’m going through over +15 years later.

Bastard

Take a picture of us
tear it in two.
that shows you right there
what I think of you.
I hate you.
I love you.
You’re a bastard.
Who broke the plaster
of me and you.
Who couldn’t be true.
Who left me crying there
sitting in the morning dew.
There’s nothing more to say
There’s nothing more to do.
As of this moment,
You and I are through.

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